Marriage

When I met Brian, I became excited that I had met someone that I actually considered marriage to be a real possibility with. The thought of marriage these last few days just makes me sick to my stomach.

I still love Brian dearly, always will. But after having the conversation with his sister about why his mom doesn't like me, I have been totally turned off from our whole relationship. I haven't been myself with him. I have been moody and irritable. I treat him differently. It's frustrating BC to some extent, these last couple days it feels like any other relationship I have been in. I don't want that. We have always felt exceptional. I would like things to stay that way. I'm sure in time I will get over these unecessary emotions I have taken on. But for now I remain with that disatisfying, "yuck" taste in my mouth. Maybe it's just the rain.

I'm even tired of that word.. marriage, it's not special. The meaning I had placed behind it is shattered. It was stolen from me. Damn you big mouth Lisa. Thanks a lot.