Marriage

When I met Brian, I became excited that I had met someone that I actually considered marriage to be a real possibility with. The thought of marriage these last few days just makes me sick to my stomach.

I still love Brian dearly, always will. But after having the conversation with his sister about why his mom doesn't like me, I have been totally turned off from our whole relationship. I haven't been myself with him. I have been moody and irritable. I treat him differently. It's frustrating BC to some extent, these last couple days it feels like any other relationship I have been in. I don't want that. We have always felt exceptional. I would like things to stay that way. I'm sure in time I will get over these unecessary emotions I have taken on. But for now I remain with that disatisfying, "yuck" taste in my mouth. Maybe it's just the rain.

I'm even tired of that word.. marriage, it's not special. The meaning I had placed behind it is shattered. It was stolen from me. Damn you big mouth Lisa. Thanks a lot.

The rain, the cold, and my snot

I can really only enjoy the rain for so long. I'm over this weather and was looking forward to summer. The idea of summer motivates me to go the gym, to eat better and to be happy and excited. With the cold, I just want to go to sleep. Art's & crafts aren't as fun in the cold. It's true.